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I don't know if it's me or something else, but each time, i feel that in the end after we talk through things, most things seems to be directed at me. Like, it makes me feel like i'm the one causing all these when he has no intention to do that at all.
Last night, i discover the reason why.
My bf loves me a lot, in fact, i know he loves me WAY more that i love him.. And because of that, he kept negative things to himself and pamper my feelings.. It's me who cause him to have all the schemas and it result in him trying to always protect me from sadness and sorrow..
I truly feel useless.. My bf can't even be honest to me, he can't even be himself towards me.. I really felt disappointed last night, i'm so disappointed towards myself that i just want to pull out.. However i know that things won't change by doin that. I'm just gonna be running away from the problems.
I have good memory, but actually I don't have good enough memory to form schemas towards what he does and all. Therefore it results in me always repeating things that hurt him. I'm farking useless -.-
And when i feel that i'm the happiest woman in the world to have such person loving and caring for me so much, I discover that he's actually afraid of my expectations towards him.
It's very hurtful.. I thought i have changed a lot and have taught myself not to expect what others can do for me. But it still ended up this way. I don't know what i did wrong.. Maybe I have form too many negative schemas towards him that he wouldnt want to be direct and straight forward towards me anymore.
Doesn't it suck?
I know both of us love each other and both of us complement each other in many ways! But it's funny that both of us always do something for each other without letting each other know of our intentions and it often ended up in miscommunication and misunderstandings.
It was the most hurtful night ever. I wouldn't want history to repeat itself anymore.. You taught me to be honest and straight forward, But i've robbed you away from your honesty and straight forward-ness towards me. Just like you've become more patient and somehow I have lost my patient nowadays..
Come to think of it, this must be the reason why you were telling me things that are irrelevant to our arguement last night, and me being totally confused on what you wanted to say. It was an out burst from you.
I'm not sure why this is happening, but i'm damn sure i don't want to go on this way.
It seriously hurt like hell.. We always say not to drag history into present arguement, but now afterall, we know that everything is connected to one way or another. Therefore it is essential to look back into what has happened in the past in order to find a solution to a problem that is happening in the present. We're freaking psychologists, we should know that better than anyone else. haha.. The irony of it all.
I totally felt like running away last night, i just want to put down the damn phone call and turn away. But it was you who pulled me back.
I'm sorry i kept quiet most of the times.. Reason was i feel too shameful to have my beloved feel that way about me. But best thing is i know you'll still be here no matter what shit we're going through..
So please...Don't say things you don't mean when we're argueing. Don't say things like "i'm a jerk who don't deserve you".. Because it shows how silly you are to say that when you love me so much..
You deserve me. We deserve each other and we're gonna work things out no matter how shitty it is.. Now try to get back your old honesty towards me. It sure is hard but of course we sure need time to get used to certain things. Right? So don't give up. I deserve this second chance to show you that I CAN handle your hurtful honesty. And you too, can learn to form your words and sentence nicely before it turns out to be cruel honestly.
It all can be done nicely if the words are right. Even if the words are not right, the tone gotta be right. Or maybe the situation when you tell me things gotta be right. Right?
I'm sorry i have lost my patience towards you my dear.. You know sometimes me being petient makes you very comfortable..and..I'm sorry to rob your rights to be comfortable.. Because i thought i could push you harder in doing certain things.. BUT generally i know i still suck at that..
Really sorry to have to put you through this.. Well you are the most patient man in the world who can endure this, and i salute you for that :)
I would say after what we saw, we feel only utter disappointment.
It's pretty funny when people say that it's all for you. Haha.. Well, maybe to somebody, posting something public on the internet for the whole world to see is really something "that I do for you all".
Wel, what can i say? Ain't that just great?
After the 2000 words of sarcasm i wrote, all the others did is just to stop me from publishing it. But what some people did was just publish whatever he THINKS to attack the other persons, what they did was actually ONLY to care.
You three, you did a BIG MISTAKE.
You treat people nicely, all they do is gonna come back and bite you. And some naive bystanders would still stand there and clap their hands saying "bravo bravo!"
What has the world come to?
If you don't know the whole story, just freaking SHUT THE HELL UP. But i can't blame them, some people just THINK they're so damn smart. haha.. Cheers~ smart ASS.
Some people will never learn. They won't think before they act. And they will still talk back to you loudly as if YOU were the one who's done something wrong. Alright ONE CANNOT TANGO. We thought of that. So we may have done something wrong towards certain people, BUT that "certain people" won't think that THEY may have done something wrong too! So why waste our time?
Yes! I definately have nothing better to do than to sit here and crap about all these.
But whatever, to be frank i just don't think whatever you guys wanna do is gonna worth any of your time and effort anymore. Don't be such soft hearted angels when others is just gonna break and step over your heart like that. Learn to protect yourself first.
You don't deserve it, and of course, some people doesn't deserve friends like you too.
Alright, it was NEVER the right thing to do.
Maybe i had too much expectations. Therefore it leads to disappointments. And bad mood. Bad temper. Bad manners. Bad everything.
It's just a habit of mine. Having plans of the next day layed out in my head before i sleep.. But most of the time the plan can't be carried out nowadays..cos of some unforeseen circumstances. That's why everytime when the so called "plan" can't be carried out like i have imagined. then there goes the temper, the mood, the manner. Everything.
You always thought that i don't understand, you always ask me to THINK. It made me feel like a stupidass whenever you said that. I do. I totally understand and i do think. Maybe sometimes i tend to burst out and displace on others. It's a stupid act. Everybody knows that. But it couldn't be easily controlled. I don't lose temper that easily. I'm sorry..
I'm emotional, very, i would say. I know things can be improved. But improvement takes time. A whole lot of time since it's a part of the personality. I admit that I don't really have a great personality. But things can always be compromised. Not EVERYTHING has to be changed.
This is what i don't understand.
I'm not comparing. But why? Why can I take in whatever that's imperfect in you, without saying a word, with a heart that's always accepting, i never complain. But why when i did something wrong, you kept telling me how wrong it was and talk bout improvement improvements improvement! I want to improve! But why you keep holding onto what i did wrong and don't wanna let go? And it's too much to take sometimes and it almost make me go crazy!!
Can you understand that?
Not everybody can be like you, you know? Just because you're good at certain things doesn't mean every other person is too! And I'm sorry because this is not gonna change me easily! Can you do it in a softer way? You know i can't take any harsh critics and you still do it. Over and over again. it really hurts.. Do u know?
I never walk away in the midst of arguement.. but i just did today. Because no words is in my head and i totally can't think. I'm sorry baby.. if you ever see this, i hope you'll understand.. And try to compromise to my mistake.
I'll wait. When you're calm enough. I hate to say sorry.. i've said far too many sorryS in my life nowadays. i hate to explain for myself. So i'll just wait for ur call. anything.
I want recognition, I want acknowledgement. You might not be giving me any of those now, BUT I WILL GET IT ONE DAY.
Tired of needing any support and recognition from you all, maybe whatever I do will just not be good enough, especially to you. I hate it, i really hate this feeling.
Maybe it's time to think for my own rights, I will do what I do and will not regret it. I do not need anymore recognition from you. It's my future, it's my happiness. And i will fight for it.
Thanks for pulling me down.
I'll definately be stronger, with him by my side. Walk with me dear, walk with me.
I just wanna see how astrologists comment on the Cancer and Scorpio union because I remember reading from a lot of books saying that both are most compatible.
I searched throught various web pages, and I found similar results. But I think that this horoscope thingie can onoly act as reference or guideline lar, cos every single individual is unique in their way. How can the people on Earth be generalized into only 12 categories right..? haha..
This one here is among the best of all i've found.
A very emotional and committed pairing --- Scorpio controls and Cancer toils. Ideal for the S & M set .... (-.-)"
For Cancer: You are both too possessive that can and usually does lead to problems at some time. As long as you deal with these issues promptly you can have a happy, satisfying and loving union.
For Scorpio: This is one of your best connections. The Crab is a loyal mate who is usually willing to stand behind you. Cancers are attracted to your strong, demanding ways.
Cancer makes Scorpio feel secure. This relationship has great intimacy, intensity, and depth. Great pair. Cancer is loyal which is good for Scorpio's jealous streak (really? Scorpio? Jealous? hmm..). Cancer's possessiveness will make Scorpio feel secure (Not feel being tied up?). Both are intuitive and sense what will please each other. Together they will feel safe and loved. This pairing has great intimacy, and depth. Long lasting relationship. Both are jealous but the heat in the bedroom will cool the disputes. Cancer is clinging and insecure and Scorpio offers the strength and protectiveness Cancer is looking for. In turn Cancer is loving generous, devoted---all that Scorpio wants. Perfect match.
Cancer Woman & Scorpio Man
This is tied with Pisces as the number one soulmate match for you. A relationship with a Scorpio boy will be wonderful in every way for you. His passionate nature will draw out the sexy girl who's hiding inside your good-girl exterior. You can also trust a Scorpio boy not to have a wandering eye for other girls. Once he makes up his mind to love you, he'll stick to his decision! You also make him feel very secure because of your loving and loyal nature. This pairing can spark an intense and intimate relationship. A perfect love match.
No doubt about it, Cancer girl and Scorpio boy will be over-the-moon for each other. The only problem that could crop up is possessiveness -- a relationship is meant to be something you have with someone else, and one party shouldn't try to 'own' or dominate the other. Get this lesson down and you've got plenty of good times ahead.
Source on other site:
On the face of it this might seem like the ideal relationship. However, Scorpio is ruled by Mars and in romantic situations. Scorpios need to sense a little more explicit passion than Cancer likes to display. Cancer is likely to find Scorpio a little too secretive in a relationship and this can cause Cancer to retreat into a shell. Over time this can have a damaging effect on the level of communication within the relationship.
Not bad, not bad at all.
Yesterday was a bumpy ride for us. Well I was not happy and all. I cried. So easily and so helplessly. I don't know why. I wanted to get out. But out of his request we stayed at home, initially gonna play MJ with his mom but didn't..
Maybe we don't really know each other that well yet, maybe he's really cool with things and i'm really uncool with things. I used to be the cool one wei, what had happen to me? But it can't be put together, it's a different story anyway.
Maybe I cried too easily. This may annoy him. But I don't normally cry easily in front of others. Baby I'm sorry I'm not as tough as you think. Til now I still wanna be tough in front of you, which now I know was not the right step to take.
Yeah you were right, guys DO fall in love easier than girls. It's scientifically proven. And yeah, you gave me your best and showered me with the love from you that is so sweet and so special. But I was fickle minded at first.. and yeah I say NO and CANNOT to you most of the times, even until now. But baby, I didn't mean to hurt you or reject you. Now that I've fallen more and more in love with you, I wanna be with you as badly as how you wanna be with me. Don't let loose your hug..hold me tight. Don't let go..
It makes me feel so good when you tell me not to leave you easily. I know I'm really important to you when you said that, it touched my heart although I don't show it. Yeah of course I won't. We didn't get what we have easily so of course we gotta hold it tight..
Just that,maybe i'm not good in words to you. I tend to be harsh at times. I almost always dig up the past. But baby, the past can't be forgotten easily..it'll only remind us not to repeat the same mistake..so baby, bear with me okay..?
I understand that you have your way of doing things, I have mine too. We're both a stubborn person and for sure neither you or me are gonna follow blindly what any of us said.
But there's one thing guys must know. 女人都是口是心非的。Maybe you can pay more attention to me being my weirdo self. Effort will be appreciated no matter how small it is.. =)
We have lots more to learn.. Lots lots more... And I do hope that in the process of learning, none of us will give up half way... *hearts*
For a good few months, I was telling myself, I gotta be determined. Determined to forget bout the pass, determined to leave the guilt behind, determined to work the best out of the present that I have now..
I did it. I really did it.
The thing is, I am able to forget bout MY past, but not HIS past. Well, his most-present past I'm saying. I'm not sure what exact reason for me to feel a little low now, I've seen her writing, and I couldn't just freaking let go the fact that she's stronger, tougher, smarter, and maybe...just maybe..better for him than I am.
I'm sad..
But I know that if I keep on going with this kinda feeling in me, it's gonna jeopardize the relationship one day. So, now, I wanna be determined again. I wanna be determined to not think so much bout me and her, no no, no comparison allowed.
I've always been one of those person who is always concerned bout what people think about me. To me, I have to carry myself well because I feel that there's always some eyes somewhere watching us. It might be God, it might be anybody. I pushed myself too hard.. and I can't help but to say that I'm conditioned to the expectations of my mom.
I am tough. People think I am a very tough girl back then but now, I don't know. New college, new society that I'm trying to blend myself in, new people. Or maybe new experiences in life that made me couldn't be more open up like how I used to. Or maybe I was just holding to the memories too tightly that I couldn't step out of the comfort zone that people around me created.
I'm not tough. The one person that can be really sure of this would be Rich. We were friends (or foe) for some time until we got together, until we broke up. I cried so many times with his presence and therefore he's always there, trying to protect me. Too much, maybe.
But it's okay now. We were Lamers and we'll always be Lamers. You said before, we'll always be friends that is full of love. haha..
Yes, she's better in everything I can say, but it's me who's with him now and I shall work the best out of it ain't I? I didn't go through it easily.. So I shall treasure. Treasure the present and work our best for the future. Maybe not so far into the future but yeah, near future definately.
If you're seeing this, M, just wanna let you know, I heart you.
- Mood:
gloomy
Walking slowly towards the door and trying to see thru the peeping hole and check out who it was. Nobody's there. Then i unlocked the door knob. Peep again.
A bouquet of flower appeared!
I was delighted!!!!
It's the 3rd month as he put it. haha.. 7 of it, and i'm suppose to figure out what does it mean. Surf the net, I will.
Bitter sweet. I love it.
Thanks dear.
At the meantime, my new blog in "under construction", I've got 1 post there so far, so maybe you would like to check it out:
http://alisonmingshiu.blogspot.com/
Nice day people~!
It's the second week now and it's basically a mess, I mean my timetable, my subjects and all.. I chose to minor in Public Relations which require me to take Intro to Mass Comm as a starting subject but apparrently i failed to sign up for that subject due to "forgetfull-ness", so padan muka la now. I don't care man i'm just gonna beg the lecturer to let me into the class!
this is basically how messy it is.
Oh ya, videos I've taken on the night of Pack the Floor for 24 will be uploaded soon, i suppose. haha.. I hope it will be another one next year, bigger, better and full of impact!
Got to go now people, sorry for the lack of update recently. blek.
hahahaha.... Got you there, didn't I?
Whatever, so lame.
Well, I was in Penang for new year's celebration (yes, Penang again?) Yea gotta thank Kenneth for the hospitality once again. We had BBQ and drinks and most importantly, the great company!!
....and I puked like hell after dunno how many shots of whiskey, hate it.
I see bits of sausages in the toilet bowl as I puke, then I ask Marcus, "eh? How come the mutton didn't come out wan?"
ewww..enough of the disgusting details. Anyway, that wasn't a good way to start a new year.
And I said that I won't wanna do that anymore(as in go so drunk and puke my guts out), but...we'll see la har? LOL..
Anyway, I have new year's resolutions too~!!
1. To stay single for the whole 2008!!!!
.....
only joking. I mean,what kinda resolution is this man?
I remember when I was tipsy, my friend in Italy text me asking what's my wish for the year. And me being tipsy and cuckoo that time replied "TO STAY SINGLE!!" And my friend there replied, "oh, what a terrible wish to have!"
OK lar enough of fooling around, here's my resolutions:
1. To exercise at least TWICE a week
Basketball, and gym. I've been saying so much bout improving my body and all but this time, no more talking, only ACTIONS! Gonna prettify my booty and pump those boobies. hahahahah~~
and you and I know it's not easy to keep this things up in 52 weeks of the year. DETERMINATION~~
2. To pass all subjects with GOOD GRADES, FLYING COLOURS if possible.
In order to do that I have to firstly, STOP PROCRASTINATE. Staying FOCUS is the keyword here, and meeting assignment deadlines, no more freaking last SECOND work, only QUALITY work is allowed.
3. To be more responsible (as a student, a sister, and a daughter)
Yes, the world doesn't revolve around me, every little thing I do will affect the other. I haven't been a good sister at all to take good care of my brother for the past 3 years, I will make a change. So yea..enough said.
4. Stay connected
With friends of course. And family.
5. Clear the debts, Keep the cash
And save it for the rainy day.
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I saw this in Chee Horn's blog, defining people's personality based on their birth month. Have a look:
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
Let's just break it down one by one, shall we?
Thinks far with Vision
True, I have visions for my future, be it my studies, career, and even relationship.
Easily influenced by kindness
Damn right, and with this I think I do trust others too easily, having gone through few sucky experiences myself.
Polite and soft-spoken
Well, what do u think? Definately well-mannered la me, I always think that I'm not a lady-like person, but my friends told me different things. haha..and of course I've seen worse ler, at least I'm not one of those who has bad words shooting out from time to time. =)
Having ideas
Not so sure bout this, but if ideas of photography and artistic stuff, I got!
Sensitive
...to other's needs? Well, definately yes I suppose, or else I won't be assigned as the care-taker for PBC camps last time. I love to take care of people. ^^
Active mind
..hmmm... how active is active?
Hesitating, tends to delay
yea, fickle-mindedness. Enough said.
Choosy and always wants the best.
*refer to the statement above again* hehehe.. choosy = fickle-minded
Temperamental
*checks the dictionary* Temperament = a person's nature as it affects the way one thinks, feels and behaves. hmm..What temperament am I? Nervous temperament maybe.
Funny and Humorous
...maybe the way I act? Some say I'm like a cartoon. lol.. You tell ME!
Loves to joke
...Cold jokes maybe? I suck at jokes.. =(
Good debating skills
I only know I'm good at going againts the others. Definately not good in debating, or i won't be playing drums through my high school days. blek.
Talkative
Yes and No. Yes when I'm with small group of friends ( 2 or 3 person) and No when i'm in a huge group.
Daydreamer
YES!!!!
Friendly + Knows how to make friends
Aren't this 2 the same? Or maybe I know how to deal with different kinds of people? hahaha.. friendly when I want to be la har.
Able to show character
Uncertain. But don't judge a book by its cover.
Easily hurt
..Talk bout being good to others. Definately easily hurt cos I trust too easily. It's all connected.
Prone to getting colds
HA...CHOOOOO~~!! I'm having one now. -_-"
Loves to dress up
..When i want to, which is most of the times now.
Easily bored
More to easily stonned. hahaha
Fussy
Yes lar I know, it's connected I told you, the fickle-mindedness, the hesitating, always wants the best and all..
Seldom shows emotion
I'm good at acting..dumb. Buat bodoh, tau tak? Supressing my feeling is my thing, with my stone-y and blur-ry expressions. But if I ever show my emotions, BEWARE~
Takes time to recover when hurt
..Now who doesn't?
Brand conscious
NO NO NO NO NO.. Strongly disagree!
Executive
Very much me, this one. I'm all about planning.
Stubborn
Ask my mom and you'll know. Ask my dad too, he's just like a donkey. I have his genes.
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hmm...I haven't been sleeping well since holiday started. Today being the last day of holiday I wanna make a change. So tonight, sleep at 12am, then tmrw wake up at 8am to get to college at 930am.
College starts on Tuesday, I haven't enroll for subjects yet. So i'm gonna go to college, get the MyPside thingie done, register for subjects, then off to Mid Valley for movie and some window shopping (again?).
Good day ahead people..!!
Mom bought durians and coconuts back from a friend's farm. Well, I am not very into Durian all along but my mom never fails to force me to eat it. And now i smell bad. I dont like Durian.
See how my Ah Ma open it. hehe..
Then, we went to aunty Irene's place for makan. And this time, Ah Ma opens the coconut.
Never mind if you don't understand the language, it's just a lil something to share. Me and the 'girls' in the family. =P
I'm NOT a good friend.
I give bad influence..
Wanna know why?? I show you why...
This is Soo Sin.
She pierced her tragus. Cos she saw mine and she likes it.
hehehe.. =p
....and the process!!
"HEN TONG~~~~~~~!!!!!"
hehehe...
Go to
A club
On
A FREAKING FESTIVE SEASON / DAY.
It's freaking sardine-fish packed.
Somebody molested my ass, fuck.
It's daylight now, I just reached home, feels good being high, but I wanted to get drunk. No worries, there'll be other chance. hehehehehe.. =p
Oh by the way, check out Scarlette (the new club in Cineleisure), it's FANTASTIC!
The Dj was great, the music was great, the place was great, the crowd sucks.
Oh ya...tell you something *whisper*, we sneaked in! SHHHhhh..!!!
I'm gonna hold my 21st birthday there. hehe..
alrighty.. time to go to bed. Morning peeps!!
goodnight...
as many times I tell myself it's fine to just be at home,
I JUST CAN'T HELP TO FEEL LIKE GETTING OUT THERE.
Peer pressure you know, LOL.. People keep asking me if I have plans tonight, I said NO. They don't believe me.. DENG~~
I wanna be in the crowd lar.. So sien wei at home..but i takut jam la.. how..??
See la I'm a "kiasu"!!
Who said Xmas is only a day with fancy names har? grr... Well it's really just a fancy name isn't it?
see see, the disorder is showing here.
PLEASE!! Someone!!! Take me out!!!!
As I was reading Chee Horn's blog, listen to the song he posted there..Mariah Carey's.. ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU..!!!
It's ok Mimi, I want him too~~ =p
Guess what? I'm high on caffeine once again. Oh,just for your information, caffeine is a form of drug, it's in fact the most widely used licit(legal) drug in the whole wide world.
"A cup of coffee a day, keeps the constipation away" (Woon, 2007)
Yes, caffeine makes you feel like poo-pooing, so do nicotine. I need food and more food to neutralized this caffeine high. But I don't wanna eat alone outside, and I'm lazy to go 'tapau', and I don't wanna order McDelivery(cos i had fast food for 2 meals yesterday)... Anyone, ask me out, please? deng i sound freaking desperate. -_-"
Anyway, the issue that's been bugging me is no longer an issue. I decided to let time do the job, therefore, TIME IS THE KEY. It's fine if no one understands why I'm dealing with it this way, cos I don't really wanna give a damn bout what others say.
This time, I'm gonna stand my ground(but not stubborn). I kinda feel like, i need to FIND myself again.
________________________________________
Oh yea, I think I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
wooooo~~ sounds terrible, what's that ah?
Borderline Personality Disorder is define as a lifelong disorder characterized by extreme variability in mood, relationships and self-perceptions. In short, it means I have constant mood swings: 1 minute I can be very friendly and talkative; the next minute I can be very depressed and down.
TRUE?
Yes, very true.
By the way again, I'm thinking of what to choose as major. Although we have a long time to go, but I think it's important to know where I'm heading to, and strive for the goal.
Forensic Psychology? (my first option)
Youth Work Services?
and now..I even think of AbnormalPsychology. ehehe
I'm not entirely sure bout what does a Forensic Psychologist does yet, only understand that a little bit of it is to kinda analyse the criminal mind and stuff like that.
As for Youth Work Services, I believe that teenagers and youth are a bunch of people who needs constant guidance in order to keep them on the right track. Cos you see, some can do drugs, some can do illegal stuffs and all. And with Child Psychologist emerging from everywhere(mind you, early childhood development is REALLY important nowadays), I think it's useless if you only provide ur children the best during their childhood. They can be a star, they can do very well during their early years, but things like these needs to be maintained, like your car, you need to service it, right? Same goes for the little ones, whatever skills and information and they've learn needs to be practised and sharpen from time to time. Look at Malaysia's educational system. I'm not saying that it's not good, but hey, you give ur children Grade A childhood education, then you send them to grade B or C or D primary schools and high schools? That's like, pulling their standard down right? And not every family can support their children to private school, can they?
So yea, that's my point.
And for Abnormal Psych, I'm very interested in it.
Hmmmm... Seriously, I can't be sitting here now right? It's freaking Christmas Eve wei~!! Cannot cannot, I wanna go out, at least go window shopping or what.. hmmm.. I should be signing off now.. Still high on caffeine.. deng...
Anyway to my dear readers,
MERRY CHRISTMAS~~!!!
Those who are alone and single for Christmas, don't fret, it's just another ordinary day that came with fancy names. If ya don't wanna stay in, get out then, but don't go to places that are suppose to be very congested. hahaha..
I wanna go out le... deng~~
北風毫不留情 把葉子吹落 脆弱的她選擇了逃脫
葉子失去消息 風才感覺寂寞 整個冬天 北風的痛沒人能說
我從來沒想過 我會這樣做 從來沒愛過 所以愛錯
我從哪裡起飛 從哪裡降落 多少不能原諒的錯 卻不能重來過
翻開回憶角落 完美的生活 以為幸福都可以掌握
仔細回味當初 那個故事背後 原來是我 犯下從沒承認的錯
在這少了你的世界
找不回那些感覺 其實我不想道別 那些過去
我從來沒想過 我會這樣做
從來沒愛過 所以愛錯 從來沒有愛過那麼認真
我從哪裡起飛 從哪裡降落
多少不能原諒的錯 卻不能重來過
我從來沒想過 我會這樣做
從來沒愛過 所以愛錯
我從哪裡起飛 從哪裡降落
多少不能原諒的錯 請你原諒我的愛錯
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我问为什麼 那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什麼 不解释 低著头沉默
我该相信你很爱我 不愿意敷衍我
还是明白你已不想挽回什麼
想问为什麼 我不再是你的快乐
可是为什麼 却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖著把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕 真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受
我怀念的是无话不说 我怀念的是一起做梦
我怀念的是争吵以後 还是想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
谁记得 谁忘了
我怀念的是无言感动 我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动 求我原谅抱得我都痛
我记得你在背後 我记得我颤抖著
记得感觉汹涌 最美的烟火 最长的相拥
谁爱的太自由 谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心 谁忘了那就是承诺
谁自顾自地走 谁忘了跟著我
谁让爱变沉重 谁忘了要给你温柔
我怀念的 我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日 也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空 最紧的右手 最暖的胸口
我放手 我让座 假洒脱 谁懂我多麼不舍得
太爱了 所以我 没有哭 没有说
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WHY? Why can't you understand....? I told you I need time...
You didn't allow me..
WHY??
Fine...If that's what you want, be it.. I'm sorry i can't help with what happened...
I'm sorry...
Sorry....
Disclaimer: Don't fucking judge what's happening if you don't even know what happened a single bit.
I hate big mouths. Shut the fuck up and go away.
sorry to be mad. Can't help it. bye..
I'm in denial. Everyone's always in denial, they don't even know it because THEY'RE IN DENIAL!! yea.. lame..
Gotta say sorry to my readers cos nowadays this site is getting a little uninteresting. Due to the lack of consistency in blogging and many excuses behind it. Pai seh~
I hate holidays..
I need books.. Lotsa books to keep my mind off stupid things.. Things doesn't really work out they way you want them to be, and you can't always HAVE everything that you WANT. I don't even know what I want.
Maybe i know..but i don't wanna admit it, because, yea, i'm in denial, remember?
I hate holidays.. grrr...
Photoshoot tomorrow and i'm still here, my skin's gonna look awful again. No worries there's always Photoshop to make things perfect. How nice if our life too can be photoshop-ed.
okay lar, enough of endless whinning, bye~
For those who are now overseas and miss a little bit of something back home today, which is 冬至, here's a (picture of a) bowl of glutinous riceball I made..(together with my mom), man it taste good!
and the one I "tapau" for grandparents. They say it's good! While those my aunt made was kinda hard. ehehehe..made my day~
hehehe.. colourful le =p ENJOY~
This time: The Ultimate FOOD Destination in the Peninsula --- PENANG!!
I gotta tell y'all man, i wasn't sure where i got the patience from, but i actually BEGged, PERSUADEd, CONVINCEd, and finally MANJA-ed my mom for 3 freaking days, and only i got a YES for the trip to Penang. Even I salute myself now, seriously. But i got a full hour of nagging and sounding and scolding the night before i push off la... =( SIGH~
DAY 1
So yea, the day started at 5am on 18.12.07, which was the Tuesday that has just passed. I got up, brushed up and bath, then went to pick up Marcus and Daniel in Cheras, then off we go!!!
Yea, I DROVE, again. I love it, it's fun!!! =) Well, let me lan si you a bit, so far i've drove to Terengganu for Redang, Malacca for our survey back in Taylors, Johor to visit Kai Ying..yea. And now, Penang. Been waiting for this moment for some time now. =p
Checked the battery, checked the water, checked the tire...etc. All set and we were ready to go!!
p/s: it's really important to check these things before you go on a long jouney eh, "DON'T PRAY PRAY" (Phua, dunno what year) !!
We took a long time to reach Penang because I was taking my own sweet time, lol..plus we had breakfast in Rawang(i think?) before that. We pushed off at 7.30(i think?) from Cheras and reached Penang at 12.30pm.
Again I was taking my own sweet time driving and taking pictures while we're on the longest bridge in SEA(right?). lol.. Kena honk-ed.
p/s: don't try this at home, especially when ya driving alone, DANGEROUS!! *hitz.fm cares!* lol
nice le nice le??? hehehe...
We searched for Kenneth's place for dunno how long with 3 growling stomach, dunno how many calls to Kenneth's phone til I pun PAISEH already.. So we decided to find the place on our own. Mana tau it was just a piece of cake wei~ Ngong Ngong Kenneth confused me on the phone. =p
This is it!!
My faithful lovely Kenari can finally have a rest now.. hehe..
I tell you, this house is totally purely entirely for entertainment. WHY you ask? Well, a pool table, PS2, very blast-able stereo system, a chiller for Kenneth's dad's wine, and soon, a bar. This is a newly bought house where we were lucky enough to have 2 nights stay even before the Kenneth's family. *thanks again dude!*
The core entertainment for the guys.
Kenneth, Matthew, Jinnie and Ping ping was there for a Child Therapy thingie in one of Penang's orphanage, so before they finish there were only 4 of us in the house. wow.. I got some rest and then we went out cari makan.
The soon-to-be dining area -- our initial drinking area hohoho~
We were again, literally, jalan-jalan cari makan. Because, man, altho i was born in Penang and stayed there for a few years, but hey, i got no idea of the routes in Penang, so luckily i have my "I Luv Malaysia" travelling book(where i use back in TCHT) with me.
We reached a place where there's Laksa stall and that was like..3pm? Guess we were lucky to have a place still selling Laksa at that time la so we went there only lo since we don't really have an idea of where to go. By the way i think we were at Jelutong that time for that Laksa. Penang food is really cheap, but of course, smaller portion lar, they're not SO commercialized like those in KL yet where you get big big portion and normally it'll cost you RM4 and above.
There, we got 3 bowls of Laksa for RM7, 2 bowls big, and 1 bowl regular. Our jaw dropped. ehehe...
But it wasn't that nice tho, taste sweet, not sour at all, not what we've expected. So, i'll give it a 5 out of 10.
**Fast forward a few hours where we have been to Gurney Plaza to shop shop shop**
That first night in Penang, MASSIVE!!! We went to Pulau Tikus's famous hawker food area for dinner. MA DE we were all like gluttons who have never been eating for the past 1 week and the amount of food we ordered was really..A LOT.
Sotong with Kangkung x 2 plates
Duck meat Kuey Tiaw Thng x 2 bowls
Char Kuey Tiaw x 6 plates!!! *thanks Yek Wei, one person one plate, you're so lame* Luckily it's nice.
Besides that we had 10 sticks of pork satay and 10 sticks of chicken satay, Ikan Bakar, and what else ar? It feels like there's a lot of food but now that i wanna list it out and i forgot. -_-"
the food
3 of the stomachs: Mat, Chelwarnce(lol), Marcus
After makan-ing we manage to convince Kenneth to bring us to Batu Feringgi where we can get to see fancy stuffs and cheap pirated DVDs. *woops* And Matthew needs to get a new pair of slipper because.....
tak tahan lasak lar....
So we drove there, kinda long i think, because Penang's routing are like, one way only, so in order to get to certain place (that is quite near), you need to make big turnings and round here and there.. Damn confusing. But never mind, we had 2 Penang kia to bring us around!!
And guess what i've found in Batu Feringgi?
My Magic Lamp!!!! *okay, that's lame..but it's because i have friends calling me AliBaba you know..* WHERE'S MY GENIE (Jinnie)??!!! I want my 3 wishes!!! hehehe~
And there we were at a stall selling sunglasses for only Rm10 per pair!!! Everyone was trying and checking themselves out in the morror.. it was fun fun fun yet kinda hard to decide which to buy.. lol.. in the end i think almost everyone got one for themselves. There were 8 of us!
Me and The Ship =)
Later that night we went back home, the guys had a game of pool or two, or 3 or 4 or 5, damn noisy la, I was watching Heroes, then they joined, then Matthew took episode 1 - 9 and sendiri watched til 5am the next day. Lame... lol.. Then he ponteng Child Therapy pulak. Bad student!
DAY 2
The guys got up, first thing they do is to play pool. sien~ I do love pool but with the guys there, some more i dont think i'm good at it le, no point making them bored so just let them okay lo, while i watch Knocked Up using Mat's lappy in a totally noisy environment. LOL
Then at about 1.30pm only they decided to go hunt for food, which is breakfast cum lunch already. But before that we turn to the famous place for Penang's Tau Sar Pnia -- Him Hiang. It was so full of people we decided to give up and go buy the next day.
See the queue? Siao wan~
We went to New World Foodcourt for food. Not THAT nice but..still okay. The Oh Chien outside the foodcourt is superb!!
Oh Chien, Rating: 10/10
Asam Laksa, rating: 7/10
Penang Loh Mee, rating: 8/10
Penang Hokkien Mee, rating: 6/10 (i've had better ones in KL, what a waste!).
We actually spent the whole afternoon/evening sleeping in Jinnie's house. The guys(or boys) were on xBox with Jinnie's 14 year old brother, Henry. lol..All the way til 7pm i think, when we go makan steamboat. Nice steamboat, but Yuen Steamboat in Sunway is better i can say. hehe..
Then, pool back in Kenneth's house, AGAIN!
This, my friends, is life. They even invented their own game!! Bunch of creative people!
And this, is Jinnie..'s back. Happening girl she is.
THEN..!!! *updated: i ponteng kerja* -_-"
Then dnno what the heck we all did, wasted time till 2am plus only started the highlight of the night -- drinking!!
Portugese wine, Tequila, YOGURT DRINK, and KIMCHI!!! Like, WTF??? weird combination?
Well, Kimchi was bought earlier lar, and the yogurt drink is for the 14 year old boy boy Henry. LOL.. responsible drinking, he's under 18 so NO ALCOHOL for him. So he was the "bar tender" for the night. hehehe..
First of we started with a lil game of Tic-Tac-Toe, with the mini set Marcus got from Langkawi.
Shots to heaven. Tequila, i love it. Except that i didn't lick some salt after that.. makes me feels kinda...incomplete. lol
Here's the rule, we had 8 people playing, so 4 person in each team, and there we go, make a move. Whoever's team lose, 1 person drink 2 shots.
My team lost twice, damn. But it's okay, i love tequila. hahaha..
But after that we moved to the Living room for card games, cos there's MIRROR in the dining room man, lol!
Indiana poker.. anyone remember this when we played it back in Pangkor? hehe.. Lamers days.
Yea we were on the game of Indiana poker as some call it, where you can only see other's card but not your own. And the group will determine which is the smallest card or whether the biggest card or smallest card drinks. And in the process you'll just add whatever you wanna add into the cup in the middle.
This needs a lot of luck, and obviously if you add a lot of weird stuff in it and in the end you're the one who's suppose to drink, one thing i can say, CONGRATULATIONS. It was not that bad that night because we only had Tequila, Wine, Sprite, 7up Revive and plain water.
The host, Kenneth, kena twice from us. muahahahahah~~!!
Back in Pangkor we used pepper, soy sauce, and what else har? Can't really remember, it was 3 years back afterall.. Heard Marcus said the played with saliva, cant beat that, EWWWY, way to disgusting!!
Jinnie, second to go. She was not feeling well but we dragged her up anyway. hohoho~ Evil us!!
I was the third to go and Marcus was the fourth if i'm not mistaken. Matthew and Daniel was saved.
Can see how purple Kenneth was besidethere? lol..mm dim lar..
and we slept soon after.. so sien. Some slept at 4..I slept at 5, some slept at 7.. Then we got up aronud 10 the later..then what, deng, the guys played pool and i think i had a hang over cos my head aches like hell..
DAY 3
Lunch time, this time, Banana Leaf rice!!!!
We ordered Sotong, Fish, Chicken, Mutton, Fried bittergourd, Ladies finger.. hehe.. This bunch of people can really eat wei~!
Oh, see Marcus eat until so shong, mana tau he got chocked by fish bone. Sorry dude.
That was our last meal in Penang and we left soon after we bought biscuits. We took ferry!! *Yay!!* Cos it was like more than 10 years since I last went on a ferry!!
Free ride from the island back to the mainland.
Three lost souls.. macam ya~
Three YENG fellas. Memang ya~
And so we left.
It was raining all the way back to KL. sien-nya~
...was the theme for yesterday. My mom planned on a Malacca trip with grandparents and aunt's family, although whatever she planned was just to go there and EAT.
There were 2 cars: my uncle's car with my aunt, their son and daughter, my youngest aunt, and the maid.
And my mom's car with my grandparents and ME. 10 pax in total.
Da Lady Driver aka mama saya.
Atuk saya.. looking yeng with the "hak chiu"
We pushed off at 12pm, reaching Malacca at 1.30pm when everybody was saying, "Hungry~~~ Need food..~~!"
Then we reached a junction where the famous Famosa Chicken Riceball was located on the right, so with everyone's stomach growling i suggested that we makan there. Well, my friend who stays in Malacca told me that it's not that nice actually, but deng..we're not familiar with the road there, if we really wanna "cari", we will end up with bloated stomach soon.
So yea, we went in.
I like the interior!
Aunt and Tiffany!!
Grandma and her boyfriend..haha my grandpa la DUH~
NOW, lo and behold.....THE FOOD!!!!!!!
now you see
now you DON'T!
Well all of us think that the food can be better. The aunty aunty all suggesting la this shouldbe cooked like this, like that..then only like that.. haha. It was fun!! But yea ler, the food taste pretty plain tho, or maybe all of us was from the place where all the good food can be found--Penang, so our expectations were a little higher? Or maybe ppl in Malacca just prefer their food to be plain? hmmm...
I took 5 and a half balls of these.. it's the chicken rice ball.
Anyways, we went to look for Cendol after that.
My grandma really likes to go "hang kai" despite her weak leg..
then we reached this place.
Apparently the nice cendol is available in here, and please take a look inside.
all those piled til high up stuffs are dodol, sweets, and everything sweet la basically.. My head straight linked it to diabetic. Shit..
and we have to get the coupon first in order to get the cendol in the other side.
and we get a bowl of ice with the durian dressing with some cendol and red beans. RM4 for this freaking small bowl of ice.. Ta MA DE!
**UPDATED** 21.12.07 (sorry for the delay =p )
After chendol my mom wanted to go to Parkson i think..looked for a place for Nyonya food (food again??!!), but we ended up in Jonker's Street, it's a palce where people get fancy stuff like the Petaling Street in KL. Cheap stuff we got there. I got a nice glamour looking big ass sun glasses for RM15. And saw a nice cowboy hat but damn potong la got the word "marlboro" there, for what also i dunno man.. lol..
Cow-boyboy and Cowgirl~ yeeee~~HA~!!
Dinner time, Nyonya food!! at...
Really homey kinda feeling in there.. we're their first customer!!
Delicious nyonya food..
well.. can be better lar actually =p i think my grandma's cooking is waaaayyyyyyyy better!
and this is the really GENG sambal belacan. but still, the one my grandma made is better. haha!
Da GurLs~!!!! lol.. (L-R: aunt and her daughter Tiffany, mom talking half way when the camera clicks, me, grandma, and youngest aunt)
And it was actually Tiffany's 3rd Birthday...!!
Happy Birthday, to the naughtiest girl in the whole wide world.. cannot tahan~
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